When it comes to attraction, most men focus on the physical. The same holds true when they think about what makes them attractive. Today especially, in the online dating era, there’s no doubt that attractiveness of the physical kind is highly correlated to dating success. We don’t deny it: better looking people get more dates, and have more successful dates, however they may define success.
Fortunately, there are many ways, through exercise, diet, fashion, and grooming, that we can improve our outward appearance. But even more fortunate is the fact that we are not slaves to our looks. As much as looks do matter, they are far from everything. Here are five qualities that have very little to do with looks that women find extremely attractive. There are many more.
One of the most attractive qualities any man (or woman, for that matter) can have is intelligence. Our brains separate us from other species, and developing our minds can help separate us from our competition in the dating world. Gone are the times when physical strength and endurance were a surefire path to success. Today, what’s in our head is the main driver of our prosperity, and future partners know this.
Your date knows that if you’re smart, you’re more likely to be successful, either at this very moment, or at some point in the future. Your date knows that if you’re smart, you’re also likely interesting, and you’re likely to continue to be interesting as time goes on and looks inevitably fade. They also know you probably have a good sense of humor, which bring us to another attractive quality: humor.
2. A Sense of Humor
You don’t have to be Kevin Hart, but having a good sense of humor is extremely attractive. When we’re laughing, we feel good, and people who make us feel good are people we want to be around: quite literally, attraction in action. Good looking people are great to look at, but funny people are great to be with. That’s usually the end goal: with witty banter, clever comments, and tastefully funny actions a means to that end.
As we hinted at earlier, humor is often intertwined with intelligence: your date isn’t about to give you an IQ test when you meet. They’ll try to judge whether or not you’re intelligent based on your words and actions. Humor is one way to send them two message at once: that you’re fun to be around, and that you are probably pretty smart!
It seems like such a basic thing, but being thoughtful and mindful, simply paying attention, is attractive. If you want to show someone you care about them: more importantly, that you have the ability to truly, genuinely, care, pay attention. Paying attention gives you the ability to connect and show your strengths on a deeper level than if you are just going through the motions waiting for the opportunity to put yourself first.
Now, to express mindfulness takes more than just being mindful. You’ll want to demonstrate it somehow. Perhaps it’s by planning a thoughtful evening based on a casual mention in a conversation most guys would have missed. Maybe it’s even simpler: sending an image of a billboard for that clothing brand she likes as you happen to walk by it. Be mindful, show it, and you’ll be leveling up in no time.
Mastery (n) — comprehensive knowledge or skill in a subject or accomplishment. Accomplishment, skill, knowledge; all attractive traits, and all easily demonstrated with mastery. Having impressive knowledge, skills, or accomplishment in even the most trivial of things is attractive. When we say trivial, we mean it: you could be a master at Connect-Four and turn that into an attractive quality.
The best part about mastery is that there are so many areas where one can develop enough skills to be considered a master — hint, you don’t have to actually be a master — you just need to be a good amount better than the average person. Not a difficult bar, especially with things the average person doesn’t even do.
Anytime we’ve interviewed women regarding attractive traits in a man, ambition almost always makes the cut. People, not just women, like “winners”. And even more than medals and trophies, nothing says “winner” more than drive and ambition. Ambition is correlated to success, it’s correlated to work ethic, and it’s correlated to strong provider qualities — qualities that women have been programmed through societal and evolutionary pressures to find attractive.
Demonstrate that you have goals, and the capability and desire to achieve those goals and she will find you much more attractive. Remember, goals doesn’t necessarily mean financial goals: ambition is attraction even when directed at non-financial targets.
Maybe you ended up on this page because you want to be your best self. Or maybe you ended up here because you feel your looks are holding your dating life back. In either case, rest assured that you can succeed in dating without having the best looks. Demonstrating the five qualities we’ve discussed here is one way you can start getting better results.