Many experts advocate taking risks in your dating life and not playing it too safe. The rationale is that risks often demonstrate boldness and confidence which can be a turn on. However, too often, in the desire to appear bold and confident, men take unnecessary risks that hurt their chances in many cases and don’t help their chances in others. We’ll look at some examples of these all too common “bad risks” you should avoid.
What makes a Bad Risk?
A “bad risk”, a risk not worth taking, is a risk that is unlikely to improve your chances but likely to hurt your chances. Anytime you make a move in a dating situation, your counterpart will either like you more because of it, like you the same, or like you less.
Risky maneuvers make sense in situations where there is a lot to gain and not much to lose; for example, if she doesn’t like you that much at the moment. They are generally very poor decisions in situations where you are already in a good spot–if she likes you already, you don’t need to take a risk that might make her sour on you. The former is a “good” risk, the latter, a bad one.
Naturally, not all risks in situations where she doesn’t like you are good risks, and not all risks in situations where she likes you are bad risks. The key factors to consider are:
- Risk/Reward — what is the downside if the risk doesn’t go as planned, and what is the upside if it does?
- Alternatives — is there an alternative option that has better risk/reward? An option that will do as well as the risky version but with less, well, risk!
With this understanding in mind, let’s look at some actions that are typically unnecessary risks you should avoid.
1. Asking Her Out Right Away
Online, this is usually the correct decision; however, if you meet someone in real life–at the grocery store, at a park, at a bar, or wherever, opening with something along the lines of: “Hey, you seem like someone I’d like to get to know better, want to grab a drink sometime?” is bold, but also unnecessarily risky. This risk fails both the risk/reward test and the alternatives test. Can it work? Sure, if you’re very good looking or significantly higher value than the woman you’re approaching. But the odds of it working are quite low and the odds of it backfiring (her thinking you’re some creep) are significant.
It also fails the alternative test–getting a girl out on a date that you run into at the grocery store, park, bar, or wherever isn’t all that difficult. You can make it happen by making some small talk, flirting, and then going for her number (or continue to escalate depending on any time constraints). Any girl who is willing to go out with you if literally the first thing you say to her is asking her out will be willing to go out with you if you also shoot the sh*t a little bit first. And many more girls will be receptive to the latter than the former. There is almost no scenario where this immediate ask out approach performs better than a more normal approach.
2. Making Her Pay the Bill
Contrary to popular belief, making her pay the bill on a date or at a bar is an unnecessary risk. At best it saves you a few bucks, at worse, it makes you appear like either a cheap bastard or a poor one. Neither are particularly attractive. There is also no scenario where this risk pays off. No woman on planet earth is going to be more attracted to you if you make her pay the bill. At best she won’t care one way or the other. At worst, as we mentioned, she’ll think you’re a cheapskate. Bad risk/reward.
3. No Plausible Deniability
When it comes to getting a girl over to your place, plausible deniability is a no risk approach. If you can offer some form of plausible deniability, you should almost always do it. Any other approach is an unnecessary risk. That’s right, while it may be bold to say: “Hey want to come over and have mind blowing sex?” It can only back-fire. If she says yes to that, she would have said yes to any invite, even the lamest plausible deniability possible like “Want to come over and see my curtains?“.
However, whereas plausible deniability rarely backfires, being too forward can activate a woman’s ASD (anti-sl*t defense) and cause a rejection. Bold invites are unnecessary risks because the alternative, providing plausible deniability is a better alternative in virtually every situation.
4. Meeting Her out With Friends for the First Time
While it seems tempting to agree if a girl asks you to “join us out”, when you’ve never met her before (for example an online date). It’s almost always an unnecessary risk. It’s better to get her out one one one first. While there is a benefit if you are really good at charming a group, it’s usually much harder to attract her because you not only have to attract her, you also have to win approval from her friends. If there are guys in the mix, it becomes even harder.
There are also isn’t much benefit to going down this route–if she wont agree to meet you alone, she’s probably not that interested to begin with. Most likely, she’ll agree to meet you one on one if she’s cool meeting you out with her friends for the first time.
Done right, a neg can knock a girls perception of her value just enough to flip the script a bit in an interaction. However, this is much less common than people think, a good neg is much harder to execute than people think, and done wrong, a neg comes off as an insult. We’ll get into negs in another article, but briefly: women are attracted to men whose value (or perceived value) is higher than how they perceive their own. The ManOnPoint way is to demonstrate you have that high value she desires, as opposed to relying on techniques such as negging which work by lowering her perceived value (and therefore, making your value higher in relation).
Being high value will always beat out lowering her value, and typically, “value lowering” techniques don’t move the needle that much–they only work if you’re already close in value, and if you’re already close in value, then the alternative, simply showing a little bit more value, is equally effective without the downside risk of a neg gone wrong.
Make Sure the Juice is Worth the Squeeze
There’s nothing wrong with taking risks, in life, or in your dating life. However, don’t take unnecessary risk like the ones above. If you’re going to take a risk, make sure the juice is worth the squeeze. We’ll be writing about good dating risks to take in a later article, so stay tuned.