Q&A: Flakes, First Dates, Cardio, and more

Welcome to another Q&A, where we tackle some of the more common questions we’ve been getting and seeing in the community. If you have questions you want answered, e-mail us at

Girls are always flaking on me, why?

If most girls you ask out either ignore you, change the subject, or say yes but then disappear or flake in the last minute, the culprit is almost always the way you’re getting their contact info to begin with. Flaking issues usually occur before you even make plans–she already decided she wasn’t going to hang out with you.

Why did she bother giving you her number? There are a myriad of reasons, but they don’t change the reality that if you are regularly flaked on, it’s not her, it’s you, and it’s almost always what you’re doing between the time you meet and get her number, not your actual date plans. We wrote a whole article about this recently we encourage you to read if you have flaking issues.

I want to confront the girl who flaked on me…

You may want to tell her it’s rude, but we recommend you don’t. Flaking is a relatively normal thing, and no amount of confrontation is going to get her to change her mind. The truth is, it also won’t make you feel any better. Flakes happen. If you follow our advice, they should happen much less, but they will still occasionally happen. Your best bet is to move on, or simply reschedule (but with backup plans, since, once a “flaker”, always a “flaker”.)

Are dinners bad first dates?

No, dinners are actually very good first dates–some of the best. Dinner fits almost all the criteria of a good first date–it’s moderate investment, takes place in the evening, makes it easy to talk and get to know each other, is almost always enjoyable, and with good seating arrangements, makes it easy to get closer and build attraction. The main negative of a dinner date is the cost, but if you can afford them, they are, in our opinion, one of the two best first date options (along with drinks). We wrote about this in detail here.

Should I pay for the first date?

In our opinion, if you can afford it, yes. Contrary to popular “PUA” opinion, paying for the first date is easily the right decision. The only benefit of splitting the bill is monetary–there is zero, yes, zero scenarios where her paying will make her like you more than you paying.

You might get away with splitting the bill or having her pay for it, but it will, at best, not matter, and at worst (and most likely) hurt your chances. It’s not about women being gold diggers (most of them are not), it’s about you coming off as either a cheap date or a poor date–neither of the two being particularly attractive qualities. First date. Pay. If you can’t afford to pay, come up with a date idea that requires less money.

When should I schedule a first date?

Typically, try to schedule a first date for two to three days from when you talked about getting together. Always make firm plans when it comes to a date: “Why don’t we hang Friday?” is bad. “Hows Bar ABC at 8pm on Friday” is good. Depending on the situation, you can even schedule a date for the next day after you exchanged info, but it’s best to give it two to three days.

I hate running and gyms are closed in my area due to Covid-19. How can I get cardio in?

I had this exact same issue come up. Have you tried a rowing machine? Rowing is a great cardio workout, it’s as far from running as you can get when it comes to cardio, and it can be done at home. They don’t take up a huge amount of space either–somewhere in between a treadmill and small exercise bike for most rowers. As a matter of fact, I just picked up the Sunny Health & Fitness SF-RW5515 Magnetic Rowing Machine and will have a review up on it soon.

I just found out my girlfriend of two years was cheating on me. I’m devastated but and I don’t know what to do.

Overcoming infidelity is a difficult thing, but it is also a very individual thing. Not everyone is impacted by cheating in the same way, so it’s hard to give general advice here. If you both decide you want to try to move forward with your relationship, counseling might help. Another mind trick that may help ease the pain when the thought of it inevitably enters your head is to liken the cheating to relationships she’s had before you ever met. It isn’t perfect, but it might help.

If you could give one piece of dating advice and only one, what would it be?

It’s very hard to narrow it down to one piece of advice, but I would say self-improvement. If you become a better man, you will get better women. The rest is just details. We wrote about this here.

What’s the easiest way to build muscle?

Given the amount of products, guides, and content dedicated to working out, you’d think it was a really complicated thing; however, it’s actually quite easy. Lift heavy weights on a regular basis, eat a lot, and get ample sleep. The rest is just details.

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