She laughs at your jokes, likes your social media posts, fills your phone with emojis, but for some reason anytime you try to take things to the next level it just doesn’t seem to happen. She’ll be playful, flirty, but shy away if you try to put an arm around her. She won’t hesitate to ask you to run errands with her during the day, but when you try to arrange a drink at night, she always has a reason not to make it. If this script sounds familiar, being in the friend zone is a real possibility.
The Friend Zone
What is the “friend zone” (friendzone, friend-zone) anyway? The friend zone is the all too common situation two people are friends, but one friend has romantic feelings for the other, and those feelings are not reciprocated. Typically, when one person has romantic feelings and the other does not, the end result is rejection. Outright rejection is not the friend zone. Being in the friend zone means being friends. It means chatting, texting, and hanging out in person, as friends would. It also means no physical intimacy. Again, like friends.
Friendzoned vs Rejection
You’re seeing some signs that lead to suspect you’re being friendzoned but you aren’t sure. The first thing you need to do, as we suggested earlier, is differentiate between the friendzone and rejection. Is she responding to texts regularly? Are you seeing her in person but there’s just no intimacy? Is she initiating conversation and plans? If so, keep reading. If none of these are true, your situation is likely a ‘rejection’ not a ‘friendzone’. Again, the friend zone involves being friends. Someone who doesn’t respond to texts, doesn’t initiate plans, and doesn’t hang out isn’t a friend.
Friend Zone Confirmation: 8 Signals
You’re still here, so you two are chatting and hanging out. She’s also doing her part to be around you. You’re definitely friends. But the intimacy isn’t there yet. Is it ever going to be? She may have let you kiss her on the cheek that one time. Or put your arm around her waist. Or maybe she leaned on your shoulder during a movie. Touched your arm…
When you’re infatuated with a friend, it’s hard to distinguish between genuine signs of romantic interest and incidental actions that are more indicative of comfort and friendship. And let’s be honest, she probably isn’t making it easy either. However, that doesn’t mean there’s no way to tell. Here are 8 signs that you’re probably in the friend zone.
1. No Physical Intimacy
As we hinted earlier, an obvious sign of being in the friend zone is a lack of physical intimacy. In that case, that means actions which are very difficult to imagine among people who are “just friends”. Kissing with tongue, would be the minimum level of intimacy that “counts”. If that hasn’t happened in all of your interactions, the friend zone is a real possibility.
2. Canceling Evening Plans
When you’re in the friend zone, it’s easy to meet up for coffee during the day, but it’s often unusually hard to get her out at night for a drink. Somehow, somewhere, something always seems to come up at the last minute. She isn’t feeling well, or her friend just broke up with a guy she was dating and needs her company, or she needs to wash her hair, you get the picture. If she avoids one on one situations that can be construed as dates, you’re probably friendzoned.
3. Third Wheels
Maybe you manage to get her out for drinks, but it’s never just the two of you. One of her friends (or two, or three) always end up being there as well. If you notice that there’s a third wheel anytime you try to do anything romantic, you’ve got to suspect the friend zone.
4. She Talks About Her Dating Life
If she’s telling you about guys she’s dating, it’s not because she’s trying to make you jealous, it’s because you’re in the friend zone. When a girl is romantically interested in you, she will generally try to hide the fact that she’s dating other people or even interested in others. Talking about dates is what girls do with their girl–and guy friends: potentially you.
5. She Tries to Set You Up
It’s pretty rare that a woman who is interested in a man will go out of her way to try to set that man up with someone else. Needless to say, if you’re love interest is trying to set you up with another girl, she doesn’t want to keep you for herself: at least not romantically. Friend zone. We’d also add that if she expresses keen interest in your dating life, there’s a good sign she’s not interested in anything romantic as well.
6. Lack of Physical Contact
No physical intimacy is already a strong sign you’re in the friend zone. Minimal physical contact, at all, is pretty much a guarantee. If there’s no physical contact, not even hand holding, arm on the waist or head on the shoulder, it’s a 100% friend zone situation.
7. You Don’t Match on Dating Apps
We all know you swiped right. Just to see, right? If you didn’t match, there’s a pretty good chance it was on purpose. She doesn’t want to make it awkward. She’ll say you didn’t show up if you casually bring it up. Maybe it’s true, but most likely, she rejected you. She doesn’t want to risk your friendship, but that’s all it is: friendship.
8. She Tells You
Of all the signs that you are in the friend zone, her telling you is by far and away the most accurate, yet also the most overlooked. For some unusual reason, guys will ignore this most clear indication of being friendzoned: she says it! She calls you a friend. She uses the word friendship. She tells you she sees you as a friend when you try to indicate romantic interest. When she tells you you’re in the friend zone, take her at her word.
It’s painful being in the friend zone, so you’ll often try to convince yourself things are just moving slowly. However, it’s best to look at the data impartially and take action. Usually, by the time you come to terms with the situation, it’s too late; however, occasionally, it’s possible to bust out of the friendzone. We’ll tell you about those later. The first step is realizing you’re in it.