When to Next Her

As your dating skills improve, you’re going to be regularly interacting with women. You’ll connect more on apps. You’ll get more numbers out at the bar, and you’ll go on more dates. This newfound success is great, however with this added success comes a whole new host of issues and obstacles arise. One of these key obstacles is knowing when to keep pursuing and when to move on.

Sometimes, You’ve Got to Move on From Her

In the early stages of success, it’s natural to want to try to get every girl you interact with into bed. You’ve had some success and now you keep wanting more and more. This isn’t necessarily a bad attitude to have–quite the contrary–it has some benefits. However, the reality is that no matter how good you are–and i’m talking even celebrity level good–you cannot win them all.

Sometimes, you have to just stop communicating and pursing and move on to the next–next her. It’s a surprisingly hard concept to grasp, because most of the time, you genuinely feel like you’re still in the game. But the reality is, often that isn’t the case, and sometimes, even if it is the case, it’s still better for your sanity to move on. Let’s break down common situations.

She Chats, Texts, Snaps, DMs, Except When You Ask to Meet up

By far the most common “next her” situation, even for more advanced guys, is the girl who is super chatty and responsive via snaps, texts, and DMs except when you ask her to meet up. This girl will initiate conversation with you, respond to your messages quickly with engaging answers. Send you emojis, pictures, and a bunch of other typical indicators of interest.

But…somehow, every time you suggest meeting up it just doesn’t happen. She either can’t that day, needs to bet back to you, or she just ignores the message and keeps chatting about other things.

There are many reasons why women might do this, but none of them really matter. What matters is that she is unlikely to ever meet up with you, so it’s best to stop expending energy on her and expend your energy elsewhere. One “ignore” or rejection of plans isn’t necessarily a sign to give up, but repeated evasiveness around actually hanging out in real life is a clear signal to move on. Next.

Lack of Momentum

Being successful with women involves consistently making forward progress. It means going from meeting, to her number, to a date, to another date, to intimacy, all the way to a relationship or even marriage if you choose. When the forward progress starts to stall, even when you’re trying to move it forward, it’s time to re-evaluate whether she deserves your time.

Momentum is key–there are no hard and fast rules you should live by to measure your forward progress–as long as the momentum is there, and you’re making progress at a pace you’re ok with, it’s worth continuing. However, if you find that things are regressing instead of progressing; for example, you fooled around on the last date, but this time you ended it with a peck on the cheek, it’s time to reconsider the situation.

Again, one time doesn’t mean anything, but a repeated pattern of stalled forward progress and no momentum is a sign you should be looking towards future options.

Too Much Convincing

You may be able to get her out with you. You may be able to get her to spend the night. But if it feels like you’re doing all the work; you’re doing all the convincing, you might want to think about moving on. Sure, you’re getting what you want, sort of, but if you have to beg for it in the early stages of courtship, it’s unlikely things will improve at later stages. Move on.

Resist the Temptation

It’s tough, especially in the early going, to know when to move on from a girl. Naturally, there’s a reason you’re interested in the first place–she’s cute, funny, smart, successful–so of course letting it go is tough. However, in certain situations, like the ones described above, saying Next is the right move. There are plenty of options out there, there’s no need to waste time, energy, and emotional capital on women with which there is little to no chance of a future, whatever that future may be.

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