Nowadays, dating sucks. And it isn’t just because of the coronavirus (Covid-19). Chances are your dating life sucked before the virus made its way around the world. Probably even before 2020. If it didn’t? This article isn’t for you. If your dating life is robust–filled with fun, love, and everything in between. You’ve got it figured out. You don’t need to hear this.
If so, you’ve probably been rejected by countless women at bars at clubs. You’ve probably swiped an hour straight and got maybe two matches with women you wouldn’t be interested in if you were the last two people on earth. And even when you did match with her on Tinder or Bumble, she either ignored you or sucked you into a weeks long conversation that didn’t even lead to a date. Maybe she just wanted you to follow her on Instagram.
You know, you could be going on dates and your dating life can still suck.
After all, is a date always fun? Hell no. Some dates are boring. Depressing even. Others are demoralizing–you finally managed to get her out, one on one, and you fell flat. She left after a drink. Hardly a hug goodbye. Definitely no second date even though she gave you a: “yea sure, sounds good” when you left her with a meek hesitant: “let’s do this again sometime”.
And the truth? A lot of those examples are good outcomes. By far the worst outcome is when you spend hours together, thinking you have a connection, only for her to reject your attempts at a second date.
“I just got more of a ‘friend’ vibe”
Now that…. SUCKS.
What makes all this even worse? It’s almost certainly your fault.
It’s not her, it’s you
You don’t want to hear it. And you certainly don’t want to hear it from a person on the internet you’ve never met. But you know that you need to hear it.
It’s not her, its you.
If your dating life sucks. You are the problem. Not her. There are billions of women in the world, and likely tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of smart, funny, attractive, successful, and single women desperately seeking a man to sweep them off their feet–or honestly, just be good enough.
That’s it. That’s the bar. Women have gotten so jaded by the sheer quantity of low value men or f*ckboi’s out there that even high quality women–the kind you want to date–just want you to be good enough.
So it should be pretty clear that if they aren’t interested in you–you haven’t even passed the bar of good enough. Why? There could be many reasons, but they almost always come down to one key principle:
You haven’t put in the effort
Your dating does not suck because women suck. Your dating life does not suck because you aren’t good looking enough, or aren’t rich enough, or aren’t famous. You dating life does not suck because you live in a small town 45 minutes away from the nearest city. Nope. That’s not why.
Your dating life sucks because you aren’t putting in enough effort to make it good. Your dating life sucks because you think that women grow on trees and you can just swipe your way into a romantic relationship while doing nothing else to change your life.
I got news for you: playing video games and watching porn in your parents’ basement all day is not good enough.
And this should be obvious. Because clearly, it isn’t working.
If you want to get women. You need to do more. You need to put in effort. Fortunately, the bar is so low (because many women’s dating lives suck also!) that almost irrespective of how sh*tty a hand genetics dealt you, you can overcome with effort.
OK OK I get it. So what do I do about it?
Glad you asked. Because at the end of the day, recognizing you have a problem is only the first step. You’ve got to eventually, you know, actually solve the problem.
Here’s how you do that.
You get better at dating by knowing what women want, and then becoming that.
Yep. That’s right. Forget this “who you are” nonsense. Clearly, “being who you are” isn’t making you happy with your dating life. Is it?
The good news is–you can be what women want and still be who you are. You just have to be the best you.
So, what does the best you entail? What is is that women want, and how can you become that man, while still staying true to yourself?
Women are attracted to many things, but the key attributes that attract women are, in no particular order:
- Being Interesting
Each woman weights these factors differently, and almost every woman on the face of the earth will settle for far less than all of those attributes. As a matter of fact, most likely, you only need two or three of these attributes to be successful with women.
I’m going to break them all down in more detail. And show you how you can actually be better at every single one of these, yep, even looks.
Most men think women are attracted to rich men. Or famous men. However, while those things are true, the reason isn’t wealth or fame. It’s power. Power is one of the most universally attractive traits among women. Now this might not seem particularly useful information, because it’s not easy to become very powerful. You can’t just go become the president of a country, or a famous actor, athlete, or musician. You also can’t just buy your way to power by becoming a multi-millionaire–becoming very rich isn’t easy.
However, power can be demonstrated in many ways–ways which have little to do with fame, wealth, or holding government office. You can do it much more easily–through social proof.
To become powerful the easy way–build your social connections. Make more friends. Be the life of a party. Organize a party. Meeting a girl on a date? Take her to a bar where all the bartenders know you. Social proof is one of the easiest ways to show power: Anyone can do it. And as I mentioned earlier–the bar for most women is low. Very low. You don’t need to be a mafia don, you just need to show that you have some social standing!
It goes without saying women care about looks. Most likely, you’ve taken a lot of your dating frustrations out on your looks.
“I’m just not good looking enough for the apps”.
“Girls only care about looks on Tinder”
And not just online–also in real life–“none of these seduction techniques work unless you’re good looking, otherwise she’ll just think you’re a creep”.
While there is a lot of truth to these sentiments, what you’re missing is that you can become much better looking than you are today. Actually, I would argue looks is one of the easiest things to improve: Go to the gym, groom, and dress well.
That’s literally it.
Packing on some muscle, losing fat, and dressing will make women think even a guy with an ugly face is attractive! It will even make your face more attractive! And almost everyone, unless they have certain debilitating medical conditions, can get ripped. Look, maybe you can just work around your physical appearance, by focusing on some of the other attributes. But going to the gym is such an easy and effective tactic it makes no sense to seek a way around looks, when you can just go become better looking!
Mastery means becoming really really good at something. That something can be almost anything, maybe even video games! It is attractive because it is associated with success, ambition, drive, and power. Think about it–almost everyone who is rich, famous, and/or powerful is a master of something. They are really really good at something. Or at least there is a perception they are really really good at something. And possessing mastery is attractive.
The key point here is worth re-emphasizing: That something can be almost anything.
So, want to have a better dating life? Want to attract high value women? Become a master. Take a hobby you already have, or pick up a new one, and dedicate some time and energy into becoming good at it. You may not even need to be that good. But if you can show her you have the dedication, consistency, drive, and desire to be really good at something. You will show her that you are a man worth dating, because you are destined for big things, even if your current mastery is something as trite as a drawing comics or playing the trumpet.
It’s no secret women are attracted to confident men. But of course, as you know, it’s easier said than done. How do you show her you are confident if maybe, you aren’t? The truth is becoming confident in front of women comes from having success in life, and with women. And if you aren’t having success in life or with women, it will be hard to have true confidence.
However, you don’t need to have real confidence to start!
You can fake it until you make it. And what is even more amazing is that faking it will actually start to give you real confidence.
Here’s all you need to do to start appearing dramatically moreconfident. Seriously.
- Have good posture — Don’t slouch, don’t cross your arms too much (unless you’re a big guy) and don’t be afraid to lean in when talking
- Speak loudly and clearly — Don’t speak with in a quiet voice that sounds like you’re seeking approval before uttering a word. Speak loud and clear. When you have something to say. Say it.
- Make eye-contact — Nothing demonstrates lack of confidence more than the in-ability to hold eye contact with someone during conversation.
- Don’t be afraid of physical touch — This is absolutely not a license to be a creep or act like one but don’t be afraid of physical touch if the situation warrants it.
If you start with these four pieces of advice, you will become more confident before you know it, just by virtue of acting like a confident person.
Women are attracted to ambitious men for the reasons they are attracted to powerful men–because ambitious men have a higher chance of becoming powerful men. That’s right: she does not need you to be the man of her dreams today, but she wants to know you have a chance to become that man. And that is where ambition comes into play.
If you have no ambitions, that’s naturally a major problem, not just when it comes to dating. But who really lives a life like that? Most likely, you are simply not confident enough that you can achieve your goals so you fall back to having no goals as a crutch.
Fortunately, that is easily fixable by having goals–even dreams! Your goals do not even have to be incredibly realistic–unrealistic goals and aspirations are better than nonexistent goals and aspirations.
To demonstrate ambition to women? Easy. Share you goals and aspirations, and more importantly, share the steps you’ve been taking to reach those goals.
Being a nerd might have hurt your dating life in middle school, but it’s going to help your dating life as an adult. Because being smart, funny, even if in a quirky way, and being knowledgeable about many things makes you more interesting. And women love being around men who are interesting.
Just like mastery–being interesting is wide open. There are countless ways you can become more interesting. I wrote about a bunch of them here. And there are many more.
Read more. Pick up a new hobby. Take an online course. Catch up on pop culture. Have more conversations with friends and family.
All of these things and many, many more, will make you more interesting. And with that, more attractive.
It’s the start you need
There’s a lot more to having a successful dating life. However, the simply advice above is more than enough to get your started. As a matter of fact, you probably need even less than that. But what you do need to do, is to actually get started. Improve yourself, with an eye towards the traits we highlighted, and your dating life will stop sucking.